By Kate Throckmorton

Bring on The Butterflies
By Kate Throckmorton

It has taken many years, but I’ve finally been able to figure out what my ‘type’ is. I never thought I had one before. I know now what kind of guy gets my motor running, and what kind leaves me idling (and how to use car metaphors correctly). In high school, I had a thing for Hispanic guys. Then, in college, for the skater boys that were so prevalent on my campus. But, as time has rolled on, I’ve found that the one thing all my favorite ex-boyfriends have in common is their muscle.

Long live the Meatheads. The breadth of a man’s shoulders is directly related to the number of butterflies he puts in my stomach; the caliber of his guns to the quiver in my knees. I like a man who can carry me over the threshold, frighten away intruders, and carry big heavy things across the yard without a shirt on. It was with a sense of relief that I finally pinpointed this preference of mine, as I no longer need to feel guilty about lacking interest in the perfectly charming yet bicep-challenged guy my friend tries to set me up with – it’s not because I’m a bad person, he’s just not my type.

However, after turning down a string of nice-guys due to the lack of butterflies, I’ve begun to question myself. Am I being too shallow? Should I have given one of them another chance to see if a few little flutters came along? Sara, my friend of two years and a thirty-something wife, gave me some words of wisdom:

“I was too concerned with going after the hot guy… Jake* was pretty, and an athlete, and I rode that wave for four years. Now he’s stopped playing sports, gained weight, and would rather not have anything to do with either his child or me. ‘Pretty’ didn’t get me very far.”

It was a sobering thought. Jake, a minor league athlete when they met, has since stopped playing, become a retail manager, and lost the looks and physique that first drew her to him. All only surface concerns in an otherwise happy relationship, of course, but nonetheless important to note – looks fade, personality stays the same. A hot jerk may not always be hot, but he’ll always be a jerk. And we would be wise to consider a man’s other traits beyond his stunning musculature when selecting a mate for life, or even for the night. But is this indeed what I have been doing, ignoring all else in favor of chiseled abs and sculpted delts? I don’t think so.

For, as important as a person’s inner qualities are, there’s no denying physical chemistry, nor, I think, should there be. We cannot control the things that spark our desire, and we’re foolish to penalize ourselves for it, for not somehow being able to see a person’s inner beauty before the outer. You don’t spot someone from across the room and think, “Wow, they’ve got a great personality!”

Those things come with time, as can butterflies, I admit, but I’m not going to feel guilty for focusing my attention on who I find physically attractive. At least for as long as it takes to find out if what’s underneath the muscle is worth holding onto.

copyright 2009 www.ScarletGirl.com

Kate Throckmorton is an author, editor, and romance consultant who has been one of Scarlet’s girls since May 2007, and is loving it more every day! She finds the products fun and classy, she is excited to share them all with the women she knows and meets through Scarlet Girl. She is also a regular contributor to Scarlet’s Letter and the archive of articles at www.scarletgirl.com.

Kate’s favorite items – at the moment – are the Jenna’s Velvet Jewels vibe in pink, the Jack Rabbit Vibe (always a classic), and the Hot and Heavenly Massage Oils. Kate is always booking shows in the San Jose, CA area, but is also willing to travel up the peninsula and to the East Bay, and even San Francisco if she is needed there.